This business of loving and raising a child as your own, while constantly reminding yourself that they in fact are NOT you own…..well it’s tricky.
When I got the call that we would be getting a sweet baby girl, one of the questions I asked was “Are there any relative caregivers in play?” We had learned through our training, that the state’s ultimate goal is to place a child with a relative, as it is considered the “least restrictive enviroment.” The case worker told me that there was a non-relative caregiver that had been named, but the chances of them passing screening looked slim.
As the weeks went on, the chances increased. Fingerprints were taken, a home study was done, and yesterday, it was approved by the final supervisor.
Sweet baby girl will be leaving next week.
So many worries have popped into my head, will this person take care of baby girl the way I have, will they rock her to sleep like my precious Nanny has, will they take her to church like we have, will they properly mix her formula, will they to tummy time, and SO much more.
While I DO NOT agree with the circumstances in which she will be leaving (and I have told anyone who will listen), I am holding tight to the promise that God is bigger than this. He saved that baby girl and not only allowed her to live, but to thrive! He has plans for her, and they don’t end with her leaving our care.
However, all of this worry, anger at the circumstances, and fear of the unknown, has left me wondering if I am strong enough for this whole fostering thing. Loving on kids? I’ve got that down! Letting them go, especially when you know that you won’t see them or hear about their well being again? Not so much.
I wholeheartedly believe that we are doing what God called us to do. He never promised it would be easy. In fact, He told us it would be hard, but would be well worth it.
I was reminded in my quiet time this morning that “The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness can never extinguish it.” -John 1:5
We have an opportunity to shine the light of Jesus into these sweet babies. My hope is that, even when it gets dark for them, that light will still shine.
I will still mourn the loss of sweet baby girl. But I love knowing that Jesus isn’t done with her. Or me. There are still more kiddos who will need love, and our hearts are waiting. We will love them and shine that light, if only for a moment.